I've made a breakthrough in my diet. It started with me ditching the food log. Yes, I know that tracking your diet is very important. I know there's a lot of research showing that people who log their food lose more weight and meet more of their goals than those who do not. But ever since I stopped logging my food, I've been more consistent with my mostly paleo-ish diet.
Here's why: the food log filled me with dread. And shame. If I ate something bad for me, I didn't want to log it. Then I would go on a crazy binge, hating myself, feeling like a failure.
The thing is, I know what I should be eating. I don't need a food log to know that devouring an entire bag of Tostitos at 9 o'clock at night is not helping me. At this point, I understand that I should avoid gluten and eat lots and lots of bacon. But the food log became a stressor for me and an impediment to better eating.
Allow me to generalize for a moment about the relationship between women and food. (I feel like I can do this because I actually took a class in college called "Women, Eating, and Food" - thank you useless liberal arts education!) Women eat for emotional reasons. We eat to reward ourselves and sometimes to punish ourselves. We find comfort in food. We crave certain foods at certain times. Sometimes I want something crunchy, sometimes sweet. Sometimes I want a hot food. Sometimes I want something I can put butter on, mostly because it's socially unacceptable to eat a tablespoon of butter by itself. Food should be fuel. But it's not.
Food can make us feel terrible about ourselves. It can drive young girls to anorexia and bulimia and all sorts of other complexes. The food log was making me feel bad. It was making me obsessive and ashamed, so I ditched it. And I've never felt better.
I can't remember the last time I ate sugar . I've (mostly) kicked my late-night snacking habit. And I don't even want bread (mostly because we started buying sprouted grain bread which is just impossible to eat, really, it requires a lot of effort). So even though I know the food log is an important part of the challenge, I'm not going back to it. I don't want to be on a diet. I don't want to obsess about what I put in my body. I just want to have a relationship with food not defined by success or failure, compliance or noncompliance. I know I'm going to slip. That's okay. That's life. I don't want to feel bad about it.
And I trust that in the long run, a healthier, stress-free attitude toward food will keep me on the right track.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Friday, April 6, 2012
Remember when I had a blog?
Right. So I dropped off the face of the earth for awhile. After the Shakedown, I went into a serious slump. I don't know why. I stopped training with Will for no other reason than I was lazy. I was working out maybe twice a week. My diet reverted mostly back to its old ways. And I started to feel as though it was too much trouble to be a better person.
The thing is, I'd been making progress. That's what was so weird. The energy system development (sprints on my lunch break) were helping my conditioning workouts. I was inching up in weight on my deadlifts and squats. The diet was hard. Really hard. And when I checked out of the diet, I felt like a failure, so I started slacking on the workouts, too.
But in the last week, I've made peace with the diet. I know strict paleo isn't right for me. And I'm setting myself up for failure if I get too stringent. So I'm trying to find a balance now - no more mid-afternoon jelly beans, but maybe a hamburger now and then WITH A BUN. More than anything, I'm trying not to dwell on failure but rather the incremental, positive changes that will propel me forward.
I'm gearing up for our next CrossFit competition, which is giving me motivation to stay focused. And I'm tapping into some of my CrossFit buddies who are equally struggling to see what we can do to stay on track. We're going to start developing weekly meal plans and shopping lists, exchanging them at the start of the week, so only one of us has to do the thinking, which is the toughest part. I can just turn my brain off, go to the grocery store, and pile stuff in the cart.
So let's hope I can stick with the new plan. I really do want to be a healthier person, even though I say I don't. And I continue to be inspired by the ladies in the gym making great progress, who push me to get better, too.
The thing is, I'd been making progress. That's what was so weird. The energy system development (sprints on my lunch break) were helping my conditioning workouts. I was inching up in weight on my deadlifts and squats. The diet was hard. Really hard. And when I checked out of the diet, I felt like a failure, so I started slacking on the workouts, too.
But in the last week, I've made peace with the diet. I know strict paleo isn't right for me. And I'm setting myself up for failure if I get too stringent. So I'm trying to find a balance now - no more mid-afternoon jelly beans, but maybe a hamburger now and then WITH A BUN. More than anything, I'm trying not to dwell on failure but rather the incremental, positive changes that will propel me forward.
I'm gearing up for our next CrossFit competition, which is giving me motivation to stay focused. And I'm tapping into some of my CrossFit buddies who are equally struggling to see what we can do to stay on track. We're going to start developing weekly meal plans and shopping lists, exchanging them at the start of the week, so only one of us has to do the thinking, which is the toughest part. I can just turn my brain off, go to the grocery store, and pile stuff in the cart.
So let's hope I can stick with the new plan. I really do want to be a healthier person, even though I say I don't. And I continue to be inspired by the ladies in the gym making great progress, who push me to get better, too.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Aftermath of the competition - still smiling!
I survived the Winter Shakedown!
And it actually wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it'd be. In the days leading up to the competition, I really tried not to be nervous. I sought advice from friends who assured me, over and over again, that I would not:
a) Need a helmet for the rope climbs (in fact, my husband walked me through an extensive physics explanation of why I would not land on my head, complete with demonstrations of falling objects from our second-floor balcony)
b) suffer the same performance anxiety as the first competition, and
c) crap my pants.
Still, the night before the competition, I couldn't shake the fears that I wouldn't be able to perform a handstand push-up, even though I'd been doing them in class, that I wouldn't be able to complete chest-to-bar pull-ups, and that Nicole would need to do all of my heavy thrusters.
On the morning of the competition, I was excited and anxious, but not really nervous. It helped to have another Karma team there rooting us on (and taking the pressure off our performance!). So here's how it went...
First WOD. Despite our douchey judge who called reps and no-reps with no apparent consistency, I managed to get about 6 or so handstand push-ups, to scale the rope twice without a brain injury, and to contribute a fair amount of 65-pound snatches. Bonus: bowels stayed intact.
Second WOD. Thrusters at 95 pounds. Yikes. I'd tried to practice them a week before and failed, barely cleaning the bar. On Saturday, I actually managed a decent amount of reps, taking the pressure off Nicole "The Workhorse" Helfenberger and helping us rack up as many reps as the boys. The overhead lunges were a killer, but we finished 3+ laps, a lot more than most teams.
Third WOD. My job was 4 minutes of 10 box jumps (24-inch box) and 10 kettlebell swings (35#), AMRAP. By far, I had the easiest workout of my team. Will stuck a mantra in my head before the workout to keep my box jumps on track. Step, step, jump. Step, step, jump. In other words, no pauses, perfect pace. The darn thing worked. I was saying it to myself the whole time and kept each round of box jumps to a perfect 30 seconds every time. Despite a few no-reps on my kettlebell swings, I finished 4 rounds, which was my goal (although I kick myself for not trying one more box jump in the last 3 seconds).
At the end of the day, as hokey as it sounds, I was really proud of my performance. And I was even more proud of both of the Karma teams. We have a lot of talent in our box. I loved seeing Devika rep out chest-to-bar pull-ups for the first time in her life at the competition, Arek get muscle-ups even after his arms were smoked from rope climbs and thrusters, and Nicole repping out 125-pound cleans. I'm probably not the best suited for competition, but I think a hand-picked team with the right balance of strength, agility and speed could make Karma a force to be reckoned with in the future.
In any event, I'm glad I redeemed myself from the last competition, and I'm ready for the next phase of the challenge. Giddy-up.
And it actually wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it'd be. In the days leading up to the competition, I really tried not to be nervous. I sought advice from friends who assured me, over and over again, that I would not:
a) Need a helmet for the rope climbs (in fact, my husband walked me through an extensive physics explanation of why I would not land on my head, complete with demonstrations of falling objects from our second-floor balcony)
b) suffer the same performance anxiety as the first competition, and
c) crap my pants.
Still, the night before the competition, I couldn't shake the fears that I wouldn't be able to perform a handstand push-up, even though I'd been doing them in class, that I wouldn't be able to complete chest-to-bar pull-ups, and that Nicole would need to do all of my heavy thrusters.
On the morning of the competition, I was excited and anxious, but not really nervous. It helped to have another Karma team there rooting us on (and taking the pressure off our performance!). So here's how it went...
First WOD. Despite our douchey judge who called reps and no-reps with no apparent consistency, I managed to get about 6 or so handstand push-ups, to scale the rope twice without a brain injury, and to contribute a fair amount of 65-pound snatches. Bonus: bowels stayed intact.
Second WOD. Thrusters at 95 pounds. Yikes. I'd tried to practice them a week before and failed, barely cleaning the bar. On Saturday, I actually managed a decent amount of reps, taking the pressure off Nicole "The Workhorse" Helfenberger and helping us rack up as many reps as the boys. The overhead lunges were a killer, but we finished 3+ laps, a lot more than most teams.
Third WOD. My job was 4 minutes of 10 box jumps (24-inch box) and 10 kettlebell swings (35#), AMRAP. By far, I had the easiest workout of my team. Will stuck a mantra in my head before the workout to keep my box jumps on track. Step, step, jump. Step, step, jump. In other words, no pauses, perfect pace. The darn thing worked. I was saying it to myself the whole time and kept each round of box jumps to a perfect 30 seconds every time. Despite a few no-reps on my kettlebell swings, I finished 4 rounds, which was my goal (although I kick myself for not trying one more box jump in the last 3 seconds).
At the end of the day, as hokey as it sounds, I was really proud of my performance. And I was even more proud of both of the Karma teams. We have a lot of talent in our box. I loved seeing Devika rep out chest-to-bar pull-ups for the first time in her life at the competition, Arek get muscle-ups even after his arms were smoked from rope climbs and thrusters, and Nicole repping out 125-pound cleans. I'm probably not the best suited for competition, but I think a hand-picked team with the right balance of strength, agility and speed could make Karma a force to be reckoned with in the future.
In any event, I'm glad I redeemed myself from the last competition, and I'm ready for the next phase of the challenge. Giddy-up.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Eye of the tiger (or close enough)
My focus this week is on preparing for the Winter Shakedown, a team CrossFit competition that I did not want to do (Nicole!!!!) but am nevertheless participating in because I couldn't let down my fellow CrossFitter in crime (Nicole).
Let me walk you through the last time I did the Winter Shakedown.
The Wednesday before the event, the organizers announced the WODs: 54-pound kettlebell swings (which I'd never done), 105-pound clean and jerks (my max) for multiple reps, double-unders (they're impossible, I tell you!), rope climbs, and muscle-ups (yeah, right). Needless to say, I was a wreck leading up to the weekend. I couldn't sleep the night before, couldn't eat, and on the day of the event, I spent the better part of the morning in the port-a-pottie outside CrossFit FAST alternating between diarrhea and nervous pee.
First WOD. Here's me in the background, literally gasping for air, having swung a 54-pound kettlebell for only the second time in my life, the first being the night before:
Just a few minutes later in that same workout, I lost the ability to hold my torso upright:
Pretty much the worst deadlift you've ever seen, right? Knees buckling, hips too high, bar not budging off the ground. I missed my first attempt at 180#. AND IT GOT IN MY HEAD. Finally, I managed to peel the bar off the ground and make 180, but I swear, the thing felt like 300 pounds, and I tweaked my hamstring in the process. This was my first realization that I do not have the eye of the tiger.
In the last WOD of the day, I was supposed to clean and jerk 105 pounds for 2-4-6-8 with double unders in between. I got one rep. ONE REP. And it was an ugly one. I left the competition as deflated as I've ever been, and it haunts me to this day.
So leading up to Saturday's competition, I have a completely different mindset. I will not feel like a failure (see "CrossFit is Hurting My Self-Esteem"). I will have fun. I will do my best. I will not feel nervous, and I will make sure to eat, even if it kills me. It is what it is, and thank God, all of the WODs have time limits so at most I'll embarrass myself for 22 minutes.
At this moment, my head is in a good place (although I'm battling a cold and my diet's gone to shit - that's for another post) so we'll see if I can maintain it when they announce the WODs this week. In any event, I hope the photos from this comp show me at least smiling - even just once - because it's no fun to CrossFit when it's no fun.
Let me walk you through the last time I did the Winter Shakedown.
The Wednesday before the event, the organizers announced the WODs: 54-pound kettlebell swings (which I'd never done), 105-pound clean and jerks (my max) for multiple reps, double-unders (they're impossible, I tell you!), rope climbs, and muscle-ups (yeah, right). Needless to say, I was a wreck leading up to the weekend. I couldn't sleep the night before, couldn't eat, and on the day of the event, I spent the better part of the morning in the port-a-pottie outside CrossFit FAST alternating between diarrhea and nervous pee.
First WOD. Here's me in the background, literally gasping for air, having swung a 54-pound kettlebell for only the second time in my life, the first being the night before:
Just a few minutes later in that same workout, I lost the ability to hold my torso upright:
Fast forward an hour or so later, and it was time to max out my deadlift. Mind you, I hadn't eaten anything and I'd lost a lot of fluids due to my frequent potty runs. Still, I was repping out 180 pound deadlifts in the parking lot, so I was confident I'd make my first attempt. Then this happened:
Pretty much the worst deadlift you've ever seen, right? Knees buckling, hips too high, bar not budging off the ground. I missed my first attempt at 180#. AND IT GOT IN MY HEAD. Finally, I managed to peel the bar off the ground and make 180, but I swear, the thing felt like 300 pounds, and I tweaked my hamstring in the process. This was my first realization that I do not have the eye of the tiger.
In the last WOD of the day, I was supposed to clean and jerk 105 pounds for 2-4-6-8 with double unders in between. I got one rep. ONE REP. And it was an ugly one. I left the competition as deflated as I've ever been, and it haunts me to this day.
So leading up to Saturday's competition, I have a completely different mindset. I will not feel like a failure (see "CrossFit is Hurting My Self-Esteem"). I will have fun. I will do my best. I will not feel nervous, and I will make sure to eat, even if it kills me. It is what it is, and thank God, all of the WODs have time limits so at most I'll embarrass myself for 22 minutes.
At this moment, my head is in a good place (although I'm battling a cold and my diet's gone to shit - that's for another post) so we'll see if I can maintain it when they announce the WODs this week. In any event, I hope the photos from this comp show me at least smiling - even just once - because it's no fun to CrossFit when it's no fun.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
STARTING STATS - Strength and Benchmarks
CrossFit Total: 445
Squat: 155
Deadlift: 205
Press: 85
USAW Total: 170
Snatch: 75
Clean and jerk: 95
Kelly - 31:23
Nicole - 65 (in 6 rounds)
Helen - 11:52
Squat: 155
Deadlift: 205
Press: 85
USAW Total: 170
Snatch: 75
Clean and jerk: 95
Kelly - 31:23
Nicole - 65 (in 6 rounds)
Helen - 11:52
Thursday, February 2, 2012
CrossFit is Hurting My Self-Esteem
A couple of weeks ago, I watched one of my fellow female Karma CrossFitters improve her Fran time by more than one minute. One minute! That's incredible. She acknowledged that it was better, but she was also disappointed. She was frustrated with her pull-ups and bummed that she'd missed thruster reps. Instead of rejoicing in her amazing improvement, she was wallowing in her mistakes. I was so proud of her and awed by her capabilities and wished she could see the same for herself.
Then I realized: I do the same thing, all the time.
Instead of celebrating the incredible things my body can now do, I beat myself up over my mistakes. At the end of that hellish thruster-push-press-run-burpee-box-jump bonanza we did last week, I wasn't thinking, "Hey, good for me for squeezing out one more rep on my last set." I was thinking, "Why didn't I try for that extra rep in round 3?And in round 4? Why didn't I get as many reps as so-and-so?..." In fact, sometimes I leave the box even more dejected than when I walked in.
Of course, if I were perfectly content with every workout, maybe I wouldn't push as hard on the next one. Recognizing the need to improve is the first step in getting better. But I also hate beating myself up mentally and feeling like a failure after workouts. I put enough internal pressure on myself - we all do, we're CrossFitters - and I want to recognize my accomplishments as much as I acknowledge my mistakes.
So here's my new pledge: Before I bitch about what I did wrong, how slow I was, how weak I felt, I will pay myself a compliment. And I will not let CrossFit make me feel bad about myself. I am not the fastest, strongest, flexible, or most agile girl in the box. But I'm a lot better than when I started. And I probably won't get any worse.
I'm hoping some of the other ladies make the same pledge. Because I think you guys are so incredible, and I'm amazed at what you accomplish, and I'm proud to work out, hang out, and compete with you!
Then I realized: I do the same thing, all the time.
Instead of celebrating the incredible things my body can now do, I beat myself up over my mistakes. At the end of that hellish thruster-push-press-run-burpee-box-jump bonanza we did last week, I wasn't thinking, "Hey, good for me for squeezing out one more rep on my last set." I was thinking, "Why didn't I try for that extra rep in round 3?And in round 4? Why didn't I get as many reps as so-and-so?..." In fact, sometimes I leave the box even more dejected than when I walked in.
Of course, if I were perfectly content with every workout, maybe I wouldn't push as hard on the next one. Recognizing the need to improve is the first step in getting better. But I also hate beating myself up mentally and feeling like a failure after workouts. I put enough internal pressure on myself - we all do, we're CrossFitters - and I want to recognize my accomplishments as much as I acknowledge my mistakes.
So here's my new pledge: Before I bitch about what I did wrong, how slow I was, how weak I felt, I will pay myself a compliment. And I will not let CrossFit make me feel bad about myself. I am not the fastest, strongest, flexible, or most agile girl in the box. But I'm a lot better than when I started. And I probably won't get any worse.
I'm hoping some of the other ladies make the same pledge. Because I think you guys are so incredible, and I'm amazed at what you accomplish, and I'm proud to work out, hang out, and compete with you!
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Paleo-ish Chicken Pot Pie
Inspired by today's nutrition meeting, I decided to attempt a paleo dinner. I've been craving chicken pot pie of all things, but I'm a terrible cook and an even worse paleo cook, so I wasn't optimistic about my chances of creating a decent gluten-free version. Isn't the buttery wheat-laden crust the best part of a pot pie?
Nevertheless, I hunted around for some paleo versions. I didn't love what I saw. Broccoli and sweet potatoes in a pot pie? Feh. My reference for pot pie is Marie Callender's with none of those "healthy" vegetables full of "nutritional value" or "vitamins." So I made some adjustments.
I started with this paleo biscuit recipe. Only I didn't have coconut flour or walnut oil, so I subbed more almond meal and extra virgin olive oil. This site actually has a complete paleo chicken pot pie recipe if you want to go pure paleo - I didn't love it, so that's where I veered off.
I found this normal chicken pot pie recipe where the filling looked more recognizable. I added diced potatoes and "paleoized" it by subbing arrowroot powder for flour. I did, however, use real whole milk. That's the only non-paleo ingredient I used. I suppose you could easily use coconut milk, but I love whole milk, and I'm not going pure paleo, so I indulged.
When they came out of the oven, I expected the worst. But the pies were actually really, really good. The crust was a little more spongy than flaky, but overall, very good. Even my paleo-skeptic husband liked it.
Here's my version of the recipe. If you're using MyFitnessPal, I uploaded the recipe, so if you make it yourself, it's easy to post the calories. (For the record: 1 serving (pie) has 511 calories, 37 g carbs, 21 g of fat, and 45 g of protein).
Paleo-ish Chicken Pot Pie
Crust:
3/4 cup almond meal
1/4 cup flaxseed meal
6 egg whites
1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
1 tsp baking powder
pinch of salt
Filling:
2 chicken breasts, cubed
1 cup chopped celery
1 cup chopped carrots
1 cup cubed potatoes
1/2 cup frozen peas
1/2 cup onion
1 3/4 cup chicken broth
2/3 cup milk
1/3 cup arrowroot powder
Dash of black pepper, salt, garlic powder
Make batter for the crust:
1. Mix all the dry ingredients together.
2. In a separate bowl, whisk the egg whites and oil until frothy.
3. Pour into the dry ingredients, mixing well, but not overmixing. The consistency will be like a batter, not a dough.
Filling:
1. Boil the chicken, celery, carrots, potatoes, and peas in water or chicken broth. Drain.
2. In a saucepan, saute the onions until soft and transluscent.
3. Add the arrowroot powder, chicken broth, milk, black pepper, salt, and garlic powder. Simmer over medium-low heat until mixture thickens.
4. Spoon the chicken and vegetables mixture into mini-pie tins and cover with gravy, leaving about a half-inch at the top.
4. Pour the batter over each pie tin, about 1/4 inch, spreading from edge to edge.
5. Bake at 400 degrees for 15 minutes. Turn the heat down to 325 degrees and continue cooking another 10 minutes or so, until the crust is golden brown and the edges are bubbling.
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